Irritable. That’s been my mood lately. If I had to put a face to my mood, it wouldn’t be a a little child that really has to poop, but it would be of a very ravenous woman who just wants to get her sub, but it’s lunch time and she’s stuck behind a man who’s toting two small, rowdy children (school is out) and various other bodies that are motionless with faces that seem dead, and all I want is my sub.
But I don’t get my sub, because my impatience grows higher and wider than the building walls can contain. My time is precious and limited and I cannot stand for any longer. What the heck is wrong with me? Ah, to come to this conclusion that it is me, and only me, that can solve my problem, because, well, my problem is… me.
It’s only gotten severe in the past couple of days. Then it has kind of clicked: I’ve lost my humbleness. I’ve lost the shrug in my shoulders to blow off the small things. I’ve lost the ability to bounce back from things that should absolutely have no affect on my life. Instead, I get asked to do something and my brain turns it into a statement, rather than a question and I am mentally demanding a “please”. I believe a lot of it has to do with the law firm I work at. I feel depleted and have grown such a negative mindset to this place. It’s not even really the people I talk with on a daily basis, it’s more to the poor girls that have to put up with me. I am quick to be snappy and defensive. I suppose it’s the fact that I just do not like to be bossed around. Sure, no one likes to be bossed around, but I am a receptionist and my job description does not involve half of the things I do. The ladies feel okay with giving me more work. Fine. I’m fine with that. But I am perturbed when I am told to do something and instead of being asked. Am I being too cynical of this?
Maybe I am. I feel, as a Christian, I should just keep my composure and be patient with a lot of things. At the same time, I know that I am human and I am in no way perfect. That still does not legitimise my act to be impatient and have the urge to harm a large animal. As Pooh Bear would say – “Oh, botha”.
In other news, one thing I am very excited and not cynical about is the movie “Year One”. My humor boat is easily rocked, so this movie should give my belly a good workout.
Oh, and his name is Matt. He puts up with my irritability.