>“You won’t relent until You have it all.”
That’s precisely the statement that sums up the course of my life at the moment. I’m not quite sure of the readers standing with God, so I do not want to come off super-spiritual or condemning. The following that is written is about my experience thus far with God.
There seems to be seasons in life when the relationship one starts up with God is comparable to a car that’s been sitting in subfreezing temperatures. So, let’s say that as I’m walking out to my car, hoping to find it a bit cozier than the outside, but it’s still rather cold – nonetheless, a shield from the blistering cold outside. As I pop the key into the ignition, I expect warmth right away. Instead, I’m met with cold air from the vents. This is all due to the lack of warmth the car had been sitting in just a season earlier.
I suppose I’ll make this crystal clear since, I’m sure, you’re wondering where I’m going with this. I’m the one attempting to start up this car for warmth – A.K.A – God. Just a season before, I had been warm and cozy with this feeling of having God in my life, saying He’s number one in my life, but only truly showing it when I was worshipping or when I was reading my Bible. That’s it. It wasn’t even an hour later I was back to being garbage; which, in return, would make me feel utterly guilty. Figuratively speaking, I would put myself in a jail cell and stay there for a couple of days. I would surround myself with guilt and my emotions would take complete control. Meanwhile, God still had me on a fishing pole, reeling me closer and closer towards Him.
To keep this remotely clever, I’ll complete this idea with my season of being the fish out of water; the suffocating and struggling fish. There’s a reality in that statement that I have yet to put into full focus, but I can see it vaguely. Which explains my situation now.
Here I am now, the little fish that has finally been reeled into God’s glory and is ready to, for the lack of a better word, ‘participate’. I seem to have come to the realization that I want the true type of relationship with God. One that doesn’t waver on what I’m feeling that day or how my relationships outside of God are going. I want God to be number one, as He should be. So far the adventure has been heartbreaking. It’s completely true that God will give and God will take away. I’ve learned to come to terms with things that have to end while I am learning to place God above everything. Sorting out my relationship with God means to literally take those things that are either hindering or covering up His shining glory and put them to the side.
With that said, for however long it takes for me to become stable with my relationship with God, I am not and will not let anything interfere. It’s going to be tough because I am merely human, but this is truly the only way I am going to better myself for any future relationship other than God. I’m more than anxious to grab hold and see what else is in store – heartbreaking and/or exciting.
The next verse to the song above is how I’d like to end this blurb.
“My heart is Yours.”