>I am looking around my room, and I recognize one significant aspect about myself: I have a lot of stuff. Things. Crap. It is piled, but neatly so. Tucked into baskets and placed on painted objects hanging on the wall.
Sure, I put this stuff to use. The perfume bottles and lotions serve as a reminder of a, um, fetish that I seem to have. I must like, or love, to smell nice. Some days like a coconut, others like an “Amethyst”. What is an “Amethyst” anyway? Bath & Body Works and its clever branding does not serve it well in the naming department, but it, at the very least, can make a sweet aroma.
I guess there is a humor found in the action of my money spent on an item called “Twilight Woods” – I wonder where that naming came from – but I smell nothing like the greenery of nature nor a thing like twilight… if that has a scent.
I have a lot of crap. Shoes and clothes shoved into, not one, but two closets. Color coordinated, hung in specification – dresses, skirts sweaters (closet one) – and – shirts, jeans, dress pants shoes (closet two). See what I mean?
Craze and dazed I seem in this writing, but what it comes down to, the boiling point, the bulls-eye, is that my parents are selling the only house I have ever loved. Truly loved. Sure, building a relationship with this house was not my intention, but I guess you cannot resist its beauty (1.5 acres we are talking). I am almost positive you can love inanimate objects.
And that is where the utter, tragic, awareness comes from. The comprehension of all my stuff. Do I really need to smell like this or this or this? No. Just a want. If I had the guts, I would give it all away to a homeless person whose never smelled the scent of Valentino perfume.
I bet they would hate it. I bet they would look at me like an idiot with a hint of disgust. Did they need my pity via perfume bottle? Food would have sufficed. Some other necessity. Are those things my necessity? I can hear her now. Crap.
I do not know how I would answer, to be honest. I would walk away asking God to help me in my relationship with my finances and to teach my simplicity. Trace my steps of spending my money and where it floods into. No longer should I be blind to this. Because it all falls down the same shoot. It is all crap, stuff, great smelling stuff, but stuff and things in the end. So teach me. Teach me the simplicity of living this life. To not be in want or in need. Sure, I’ve attempted and it is still not enough.
There are people starving in this world. People who live their days in a cardboard box that they found behind a grocery store that just stocked their shelves full of food… and that is what was left for them.
I am selfish. I am pathetic. And if this is what it takes for God to show me something, anything – thank You. Finally. I want to begin this work; to stop hitting the brakes in complacency. Now that I have broken down, I have to get started again. I need to be fixed in learning simplicity even deeper now. I want to begin reliving the vision that You’ve given me. Love others as I love myself – learning true equality that You have taught. Love You, love others.
Where I physically end up in this move, I do not know. Maybe alone in Florida as my family moves to Chicago. But through that, I want to see You in my life, weaving into my finances, emotions, everything. I really do.
I will delve into the love of my house and my soon departure from it in another post. I want to end with this: