It happened yesterday. I was standing in the kitchen at work, merely toasting my bagel and waiting for the Keurig to finish brewing my coffee. So mid-brew and toast, I had a something incredibly remarkable happen. Some call it a revelation, others refer to it as a lighting bolt of wisdom. Whatever it was, wherever it came from (God?) it was the gust of wind that blew open doors for me. Doors, windows, cabinets, and many other household fixtures that would work with that very cliché saying.
I’m going to quit school.
There. I said it. I can say it now with a teeny bit more confidence because there are enough doors open to feel the sweet breeze of relief and of life. I have spent the last five years muddling my way through school … and have accomplished nothing. Zilch. Sure, the expansion of my knowledge on a variety of things – Logic 101, while interesting, was a waste – has been a wise move. But I feel that as my semesters progress and my money falls into some black hole, I’m accomplishing nothing. I am not and have never been the person who has some overwhelming love for school. (I do, however, develop a tiny crush on my professor’s brains who are extraordinarily smart.) Really, I’m a terrible student.
I’ve also grown tired of the question: “So, like, when are you actually done with school?” Because it feels like in the moments of pausing to think, I’m really finding my shell to crawl into. So, I don’t have some degree with my name etched into it. Maybe I’ll ever only walk across one stage in my life, but I am becoming OK with that.
The truth of the matter is, is that I’ve worked far more than I ever have gone to school. I was working two jobs my senior year of high school and have since worked my way up. I also do not take credit for the way in which doors were opened. God has shown provision over every single step. At this point, I now plan on continuing to work at a well-paying job, but use the time I would be trudging towards my name on paper to actually make a difference. I will use that time to volunteer, invest in people and use the money that God has provided towards these things. That’s what this is all about. I’ve realized that I don’t need my name on fancy paper to make a difference with God.
The life I (me, not you) have been given isn’t supposed to be spent circling hallways and developing blisters with nothing to show for it. It feels really great, REALLY great to actually have a plan moving forward. I’m ready to battle the monotony that I’ve found myself rolling in.
I guess that’s what you get when you pray for clarity. It’s in those bagel-toasting-coffee-brewing moments that God can even answer prayers.
Side note: I do recognize the freedom that I have in order to continue an education. I know others do not have this opportunity that I am giving up, and because I recognize this, those are the people who I want to invest in the most.