Kittens and Knitting and Knowing

There is a lot of risk in letting someone into your life. Even if they’re considered “legitimate” and you’ve been praying about it – it is still a risk. Entering into a relationship – whether as a friendship or dating – you are opening the door to allow tickles of happiness, pain and love in. You’re allowing someone to speak into your life; someone else to invest in you and you in them.

So what do you do?

Do you forever keep the door closed? Or put up a screen door at the entrance that allows others to approach, but only from a distance?

Because that’s what I feel like I do most of the time. This plays a huge role when it comes to guys. And if I want to continue to speak figuratively, I find myself staring at a padlocked door and running to hide under my bed at the first sign of a knock.

Although those knocks are rare, I’ve become (surprisingly) immune to even motioning to one.

But none of this is healthy. It isn’t healthy for my relationships on any level or for my being. I am finding that the more I become some independent woman, the more I become susceptible to running further and further away from something good. (Seriously, you should hear my argument against Pinterest and romantic comedies.)

I think that’s called being cynical … I’ll approach that one later.

I know. I know. Most of this is pointing towards my becoming a Cat Lady and/or a Great American Knitter. So here I am at the yield sign of opening up and exposing these insides, not being afraid to get my feet a little wet … or turning around and becoming one of the above. And as much as I love cats, I don’t really see myself delighting in the fact that I would smell of urine and fur.

I have a firm understanding that life doesn’t come down to the two options of being single or married. I think I just need to learn how to open the screen door sometimes, because otherwise I’m not allowing myself to actually feel the joys, the pains and the love that someone could potentially offer. I must proceed in knowing that these things are good.

I suppose I’ll start by crawling out from underneath my bed.

And I’ll also stop looking at cute kitten videos.

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