I mentioned in a recent post that I am in a season of getting to know myself; becoming “self-aware” as some would like to say. While I haven’t completely marched out of this season, I have found that it is one of the wisest decisions I have ever pursued.
It started with getting a therapist and sitting down with her weekly. I have done a lot of crying, a lot laughing (she’s wonderful) and have asked myself some really hard questions. I have discovered that my attempts to fill the little crevices that held brokenness and bad habits were not actually leading me in any direction. But I cannot even begin to explain what it is like to trek through dark territory and to then reach fields of life – more life than I knew I had inside of me. I have dug up things that I never want to repeat again, but it has forced me into a rhythm of facing them with God. It has taught me to lean into Him and trust Him in ways that didn’t know were possible.
In all of this, I have and continue to learn the beauty of freedom in Jesus. To rest in and live in this freedom is even hard to put into words. I get so emotional thinking about the ways that He has carried me through this season in letting me wear freedom like a cloak. It is in this freedom that I wake up refreshed in His Spirit; like I’ve just rolled around in his reminders of grace and faithfulness that He is still here and He still cares. I have never felt such a closeness to Him than I do now as I continue to understand me and how God sees me.
In thinking through this, I’m brought to the part of scripture in Ephesians when Paul is talking about living as children of light. In Ephesians 5:14, Paul says, “… for it is light that makes everything visible. This is why it is said: ‘Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.'”
I am awakening and I am finding freedom.