I remember the moment that grace took on a life outside of a definition. I was 18 with a bagful of irreversible decisions in hand, and my parents were arriving at a place I should not have been at – physically, emotionally and spiritually. There were neither questions nor a pull for explanation. Instead, it was a hug, the sound of trash bags and a quiet car ride home.
I remember finding myself in their backyard later that day, wandering in the silent reverence of grace, knowing there was unquestionable trust to fall back into the arms of my parents as they welcomed me back.
Since then, there has not been a day that I have needed to feel that same kind of grace. This moment has not only marked a pivotal change in my relationship with my parents, but it also has been marked as a transformational moment in my relationship with Jesus. Human grace so sweetly mirrored Holy grace that day, and I have carried that forward.
The acceptance of grace does not always come easily for me, though. All too often, I find myself believing that I am not deserving of this Holy grace. The will to push grace away takes its form in repeated rebellion. However, in the moments of surrender to accepting it, I recognize that grace acts as stepping stones for me to move forward in my understanding that forgiveness is not forged, but freely given.
Just the other day I was on the phone with my mom discussing hardships all too familiar to us. I needed to remind her how the grace she gives is the way Jesus desires, whether we see the fruit of it or not. The wait for grace to come to life in others can be painful. But just as my mom is dispensing grace at, what seems, a futile rate, God is constantly pouring out His grace at an uncontrollable rate, at a cost too high to fully comprehend, all because He wants us to come home, too.
I said this to my mom as I was looking out the window of my apartment, and I began to reflect on the path that grace has set me on. Overwhelmed by the goodness of grace, I was so happy I chose to head home those many years ago.
I like to think the reason God gives grace at such a speed, and with such a depth, is because we all need to be reminded of our humanness. It is only in our failings can we be reminded, and only in forgiveness through grace can we be picked up again. Each step forward on those stepping stones only leads us closer back to the place we will finally call Home.
Through Holy grace I learn how to extend a forgiveness so unfamiliar to man, and I understand that the root of grace always starts out as a seed in the deepest soil of our soul, ready to take root at acceptance.
“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” – 1 Peter 4:10