I have been thinking about the year 2011 a lot lately. Since I have been in this spiritually slow season, I have tried to be better at slowing down and paying attention. The other night, I decided to read through old journal entries, with a hope that I would understand just how far God has brought me. It was a little more emotional than I thought, because I realized how much I had conquered in therapy and how some little things still have yet to change.
A few days later, I was listening to the most recent podcast from my church, and I felt an overwhelming sense to reach back into my story more. Jarrett was talking about the importance of Moses’ story of origin, tying it in with God’s faithfulness to us and our forgetfulness that soon follows that faithfulness. I started to ask myself how I had forgotten. Was I really paying attention to the moments of His faithfulness? More than that, was I paying attention to how He was still faithful to me now? Seemingly insignificant, how significant, really, was 2011 for me?
There is a very specific album that brings me back to that year. It is theWill Reagan and United Pursuit Band: Live at the Banks House album that resurrects old memories, much like how a familiar scent does. I listened to these songs relentlessly. They were on when I got in the car, they were on when I was reading my Bible, they were on when I was having quiet time. The words that were sang kept me afloat during a season of major transition.
I was jobless in an unfamiliar, unknown city, lonely and questioning every decision … but absolutely reliant on the faithfulness of God.
In retrospect, I now see how this season was one of the most transformational times of my life. I was only a couple of years into my life with Christ, but I had the foundation. I knew who I was and was becoming, but I was then stripped of everything that helped me get to where I was. I only had God. Without going into great detail, His faithfulness was tangible and the realist thing I had. I asked, He asked back, challenged and gave.
This was a season that I remembered and clung to the sovereignty of God, but I soon forgot.
The year 2011 was a perfect example that I can point to where my crying out was answered. Where He very clearly spoke in me, because it was no longer my time to speak. And where I walked out of that feeling healed and more alive in Him, but forgetful. I forgot, but He still chose me.
Today, as I sit reflective and sinking deep into the words of that same album, I wonder where the pockets of forgetfulness are. I think of how the story of God in Moses’ day and my day are not that much different. Where a journey through a dry and parched land still had God in the midst of it, and God still provided at the end of it. It was a long time spent remembering to remember for them … and now me.